The Consequences of Social Ostracism

This page summarizes the work "When Silence Speaks Louder Than Words: Explorations Into the Intrapsychic and Interpersonal Consequences of Social Ostracism" by Kristin Sommer et al (referenced below).

Ostracism, often called the silent treatment, is one of the most common forms of rejection. It occurs in friendships, families, classrooms, and workplaces. Although it may look like a minor behaviour, being ignored has strong effects on people’s emotions and sense of self. The two studies in this paper examined how people describe both giving and receiving ostracism, and how these experiences affect their needs, motives, and views of resolution.

Participants wrote about two situations: one where they were ostracized, and one where they ostracised someone else. These autobiographical accounts were coded for clarity of cause, threats to needs, emotions, motives, and outcomes.

• Study 1: 167 undergraduate students.

• Study 2: 130 adults, many of them health professionals.

The results were very similar across both groups.

Needs Affected

Ostracism consistently threatened four needs:

• Belonging: feeling included.

• Self-esteem: feeling valued.

• Control: having influence over events.

• Meaningful existence: feeling noticed and acknowledged.

Targets often described feeling invisible and unimportant when these needs were undermined.

Clear vs. Unclear Silence

The impact of ostracism depended on whether the reason was clear.

• Clear silence: When it followed an argument or mistake, it was painful but easier to interpret.

• Unclear silence: When no explanation was given, the effects were stronger. People reported greater threats to belonging and self-esteem and said they searched for explanations, often blaming themselves.

Some targets even described working harder in group settings, apparently as an attempt to restore inclusion.

Oblivious Ostracism

The studies also identified oblivious ostracism, when people felt ignored because they were simply not noticed.

• Students most often described this in classrooms or peer groups.

• Adults described it in workplace hierarchies.

• This form was seen as especially damaging, because it suggested insignificance rather than deliberate conflict.

Oblivious ostracism most strongly threatened belonging and meaningful existence.

Perspectives of Sources and Targets

Sources and targets gave very different interpretations of ostracism.

• Sources often described silence as a deliberate and useful strategy. They saw it as a way to calm down, avoid escalation, or signal dissatisfaction without direct confrontation.

• Targets described it as hurtful, confusing, and manipulative. They rarely saw silence as constructive and instead viewed it as damaging to trust and connection.

Emotional Effects

The emotions reported by sources and targets also differed.

• Sources most often reported anger or irritation, and rarely mentioned other emotions.

• Targets also reported anger, but in addition described a wider range of negative emotions, including hurt, loneliness, rejection, loss of pride, and confusion.

This shows that while both groups experienced anger, the emotional impact was broader and heavier for targets.

Self-Esteem and Ostracism

Self-esteem influenced both giving and receiving silence.

• Giving silence: People with high self-esteem were more likely to use ostracism to end relationships. People with low self-esteem more often used it defensively, for example to avoid criticism.

• Receiving silence: People with high self-esteem were more willing to leave relationships where they were ignored. People with low self-esteem reported being ostracized more often and were more likely to remain in such relationships.

These patterns appeared in both studies and were especially clear in the adult sample.

Motives for Silence

When explaining why they used silence, sources gave a variety of reasons:

• Punishment: To hurt, correct, or show disapproval.

• Conflict avoidance: To prevent escalation.

• Cooling off: To step back and calm down.

• Communication: To signal dissatisfaction without words.

• Last resort: To use when other strategies had failed.

• Ending a relationship: To withdraw completely.

Punishment was the most common explanation. However, most targets interpreted silence as punishment regardless of the source’s stated motive.

Resolution

Sources (those giving silence) and targets (those receiving silence) reported very different outcomes.

• Sources frequently said ostracism was effective. They described it as reducing conflict, changing the other person’s behaviour, or resolving the situation to their satisfaction.

• Targets rarely reported resolution. Instead, they described withdrawal, reciprocating silence, or resentment. For them, ostracism left conflicts unresolved and harmful.

This contrast shows how ostracism may appear successful to sources but leaves targets with ongoing damage.

Conclusion

Across both studies, ostracism was shown to undermine core needs, generate negative emotions, and harm relationships. The effects were most severe when silence was unexplained or when people felt entirely unnoticed. Sources often saw ostracism as a useful strategy, but targets remembered it as painful and unresolved.

Key Takeaways

• Ostracism threatens belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaningful existence.

• Unclear silence is more damaging than silence with a clear reason.

• Oblivious ostracism - not being noticed at all - is especially harmful.

• Sources and targets interpret ostracism differently: sources often see it as useful, targets experience it as harmful.

• High self-esteem is linked with using silence to end or leave relationships.

• Low self-esteem is linked with defensive use and more frequent experiences of ostracism.

• Silence can create an appearance of resolution for sources but leaves conflicts unresolved for targets.

References

Sommer, K. L., Williams, K. D., Ciarocco, N. J., & Baumeister, R. F. (2001). When silence speaks louder than words: Explorations into the intrapsychic and interpersonal consequences of social ostracism. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 23(4), 225–243. 

DOI: 10.1207/S15324834BASP2304_1

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/238336388_When_Silence_Speaks_Louder_Than_Words_Explorations_Into_the_Intrapsychic_and_Interpersonal_Consequences_of_Social_Ostracism